Hello There,
It has been quite a while. 2020 has been a horendously trying year for me. I have created my own struggles, have dug my own grave and also have been trying not to die or be killed (literally....).
I've realised through many of my actions, that I am very capable of being human.... A very dumb one at that which is annoying because who wants a dumb person in their life? It's the most infuriating when you need to wake up to her and fall asleep to her also. Not being able to explain your actions is never a solid course of action...
What have I learned? You can break up with all the bad parts of yourself. They do not define you. If they did I would not want to exist anymore. It's hard when you see aspects of yourself that you dislike, especially when they aren't physical. Hating any part of you won't make it disappear, but what you can do is work with yourself to get to where you need to be.
At times, I feel like I need to parent myself. If your kid has bad behavior, you discipline them and try to make them better while still making them feel loved... Sometimes I need to do that with myself and it sucks acknowledging my shortcomings but it is necessary. I used to say treat yourself the way you would a good friend when they are having challenges, but I honestly feel like that behavior is too soft to instill change.
Be a parent to yourself... Tell yourself you messed up, acknowledge your fault, but put steps in place to fix yourself. Only you can fix yourself. You don't try to save a plant by keeping it in the same spot... You change its environment. You can change your perspective and your environment... So do it. And most importantly, love the people that love you. Let them know you love them as much as you can and if you mess up, just try your best to fix it because that's all you can do.
I hope life gets back on track soon. I've been figuring out myself alot lately. To everyone, stay healthy, try your best to stay happy and love as well as you can.
Love,
Steph
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